I found myself standing in darkness, staring out from my window, watching the rain as it cascaded down. The #rainshimmered through the street lights and I saw the drops fall heavily into the puddles that had formed. My eyes weren’t really looking for anything, they gazed out empty, searching for a memory I kept struggling to forget, locked into a cage of guilty pleasures buried deep within myself.
She had hated rain. Despised it to a fault. I on the other hand had always loved it, the melancholy it invoked, the beautiful sadness that made you feel alive, made you aware of the raw ends that were yet to heal and probably would take a while more to. I sought solace in the sadness, the goose bumps on my skin made me aware that I was still capable of feeling something even if it was just the hurt of a time gone by. There was an odd comfort in the loneliness I experienced. It soothed my soul, which was starving to feel anything.
The rains, staring out the window, it reminded me of the days she would come over. Shrieking even before she rang my bell. She really hated the rain. I had not gone to pick her up from the metro station, or gone to get her from the rickshaw with an umbrella. In my defence, I did not own one to begin with. I had casually overlooked her screaming, and had quietly bent to kiss her, stopping her mid-sentence. Just like that, all was forgiven. We had shut the door behind us as we had struggled to get out of our clothes. That day I had carried her to my room, where I had placed her on a single sofa in front of the window. We had fucked like bunnies, looking out of the window as the rain poured and the street in front of my house had been deserted. Thunder roared, lightning had flashed and she had screamed and just like that we had spent almost half a day, staring out a window,
fucking, drained completely.
Today it was already dark and the greys of the clouds in my brain had faded to the black of reality. Tonight would be another night of #whiskey #dreamsand half-baked ideas that would refuse to materialize.
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